I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
