Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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