i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
