Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
