id be glad to
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
