chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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