is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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