Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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