dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
