to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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