i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
