i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You're like the curious george of whores
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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