i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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