Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize