a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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