i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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