I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
