is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
