i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
