Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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