my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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