Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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