I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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