You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
