there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
