i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize