Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
