walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
