I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
