I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she told me i tasted like america
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
