I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
