Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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