We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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