Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
