Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
