dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize