I hate all girls vehemently.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
