I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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