I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
