I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
