i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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