stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
