he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
