i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I love having hate sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Damn victory sex feels great
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
