my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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