Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
