Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize