I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
