Michael Bay diarrhea
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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