i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
