my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
