the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
