I hate your face
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
