i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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