You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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