I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
