My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
