So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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