quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
