READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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