Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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