im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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