Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
