im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
