some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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