I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
