she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
