My underwear smells like fireworks.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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