I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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