I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize