i already hear my dad disowning me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
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