she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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