Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
