She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize