Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
