6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
