how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
