Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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