How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
