So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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