I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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