My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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