Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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