You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
