May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
