Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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