Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
