Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
