You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
