Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
