What did we do last night that was yellow?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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