I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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