Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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