we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
