Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
