Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize