Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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