All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
