grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
