Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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