I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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