the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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