Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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