trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize