I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
